“Kamal’s story resonates with many. Why? Because one in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.”
Author
The perfect princess story that every young girl dreams of; marriage to a handsome man, chosen by her parents. His family is wealthy and influential. He is pleasant and says all the right things. A dream come true. Traditionally raised in India and married at the age of 18 in Vancouver, Canada, Kamal, the young bride from a middle class Indian family, finds herself in a new family with new rules: whatever happens in this marriage stays in this home, and you are to respect and honour your husband as he is your god.
However, his demeanor hides an ugly reality from the world. His extreme rage and heavy drinking become known on their honeymoon, yet she continues living with him fearing more for her family’s lives than her own. Nothing, not his wealth nor his charm, could disguise the horror of his true nature. For Kamal, there was nothing more terrifying than the continual fury of her husband and the constant beatings, sexual torture, and threats upon her life including being doused with kerosene (and then being tossed the matches), being hanged by her own sari, and even being forced to jump into an ocean. Her death at his hands was inevitable and she knew it. She bravely took a chance to escape, and she left her husband’s family home in India, sadly without her children.
While sitting in the airport, a stranger heard her crying and shared with her that a good man does love her – Jesus. Kamal’s journey from that moment was not just away from death, but towards life. She eventually got her children back, began life anew back in Vancouver, and embraced forgiveness which freed her from the past. Mother of four and grandmother of four, her life is now full of hope and purpose. The sari is the sentry of a woman’s dignity; it is believed that the sari is the ideal attire to camouflage the body’s assets. But for Kamal, it was the camouflage of the painful scars on her body from her abusive marriage. This is the story of what was hidden beneath the sari – a black and blue sari.
International Speaker
There is no more compelling speaker than Kamal. Her personal story is unparalled in abuse as well as her will to survive for her and her children. She has grown into a thriver, reclaiming her dignity as a person, and she has taken her harrowing experience and become a powerful speaker Her message for all? I am enough – YOU are enough! Reclaim the great dignity of being a person. She is the voice of encouragement to those who are victims of violence and bullying. She is the voice of wisdom to first responders. She is the voice of impact to perpetrators. Her talks and workshops address all three areas of the power dynamic that leads to violence and bullying – the bullied, the bully, and the bystanders. She will inspire and call to action any audience to play their part in the restoration of justice.
She has spoken at:
- Churches & Indigenous Communities
- Government on Immigration
- Social Justice
- Schools in their social justice programs
- International Monetary Fund (IMF) in Washington DC
- Women’s Prison
Kamal has spoken at home and internationally, including India and the US, wherever her voice is needed, and wherever she is invited. Whether there is a need for a small group or large, an hour or a weekend, this big voice in a small body will find a way to inspire change in those who hear her.
Her message is simple: “My story isn’t a failure and neither is yours!”
Educating
Kamal sees her primary role as educating people about the devastating effects of domestic violence. It is not just the abused that suffer, but the negative effects of domestic abuse radiate out into society in ways we are unaware of. Education is key in understanding these far reaching effects. Knowledge is power, and domestic violence is about power imbalance. Women and children are more vulnerable to being on the wrong side of any imbalance of power, whether it be economic, emotional or physical threat. That is why Kamal is tireless in her drive to educate through her personal story. People do not leave domestic violence situations on their own. It may mean the involvement of services or agencies, but sometimes all it takes is for one person to help the woman to know that she is worthy of care and worthy to be free from fear. That means we ALL have a part to play in ending abuse. It touches every life. When people are educated and have knowledge, they can no longer say, “I didn’t see… it is not my problem.” Knowledge IS power! Power is agency for positive change!
Kamal has educated:
- Over 1,500 RCMP and City police policers.
- Over 200 Masters Counselling students at Trinity Western University
- Over 5,000 frontline workers, counsellors, politicians, lawyers, professors and judges
- Over 100 physicians and residents at the UBC faculty for Medicine
- 1,000 leaders from across Canada and the US at the BC Leadership prayer breakfast
- Delivered talks at the parliamentary committee on Immigration in Ottawa to approximately 80 politicians from all parties.
- Presented at the Justice Conference in Ottawa to about 300 lawyers and police officers
- Presented to over 2,000 high school students
Consulting
Kamal’s story has garnered the interest of many people and communities. Aside from speaking and educating around the world, she has been asked to consult with several agencies, most notably, the Justice Institute of BC. She has consulted with police, police trainers, politicians, social workers and first responders. She has spoken of the need for bridging the gap between diverse cultural communities and law enforcement agencies, increasing the understanding of how certain cultures use violence in the name of honor.
Kamal has:
- Provided a “do – not do” list.
- Instructed on how NOT to interview the victim in the presence of the family
- Created detailed security plan and risk assessment for the victim
- Created a plan of escape for the victim
Most significantly, Kamal has been consulted on an increasingly reported issue, namely, “honor-based” violence and killing (HBV). This is an extremely complex issue that needs more awareness. There is a need to draw attention to the prevention of HBV, as well as investigation into the nature of it. Individuals who commit such crimes justify their actions through their own interpreted ideologies and beliefs about getting rid of the shame of abuse. The perpetrator perceives the crime is necessary or acceptable to protect and defend the honour of their family or even their community.
In all domestic abuse, not just HBV, there are key areas that she has consulted on. They are the burning questions that people ask, but are so difficult to answer:
- Why do victims stay?
- Why do victims not trust the police or social workers?
- Why do we protect our abusers?
It is imperative that first responders and service providers comprehend the complexity of abusive relationships and learn what Trauma Bonding looks like, and learn to gain the trust of the victims and help them move forward. In short, that we demonstrate that you, the service provider are NOT the enemy. As a consultant Kamal can accompany you through the myriad of dynamics that you will have to navigate in order to help victims get out, get safe, and move forward.